Let me preface by saying that I am a massage expert. For years I had weekly massages from professional medical therapists in addition to occasional leisurely massages. Until today, never have I experienced a massage and service so appalling.
First, the establishment looks horrific from the outside and cheap and dingy on the inside. Not just straightforward and honest cheap, which I can kind of respect, since at least it's not pretending to be something it's not, but the worst kind of cheap - cheap tryin' to look expensive, dirty tryin' to look clean. Don't be fooled by the photos posted by the place, which are airbrushed glamour shots. Roses, candles, fish bowls? Oh please!
My massage therapist came down after about 10 minutes, and I immediately got a bad feeling. She looked like a glum, miserable person. I scolded myself for making snap judgments based on appearances. I shouldn't have. The treatment room - just like the reception area, except packed into a 4 x 6 room and lit with a black light. Yeah you heard me, a black light...you know, like at a rave? I immediately cringed and felt claustrophobic. Products cluttered every inch of an entire wall. My lady asked if I wanted Swedish or deep tissue, and if there were any areas I wanted her to focus on. I don't know why the hell she bothered asking. I told her I needed deep tissue and the entire hour on my back, shoulders and neck. I was in extreme pain, so I was very vocal about my knots and trigger points and how much pressure I wanted - and she did NOT like that, even though she asked! I wasn't about to pay for and suffer in silence through another weak and ungratifying massage. She hit a few knots in the beginning on my shoulders and for a few seconds I thought I might have been wrong, but then she proceeded to lightly rub anything but the areas I specifically pinpointed for her, as if she were mindlessly scrubbing a floor. When I reiterated that I really needed her to work a specific knot, she got completely hostile, said she knew what she was doing and didn't need to get this particular knot because she was generally massaging the whole area and that would be enough relief. SAY WHAT?! I could actually feel her hatred and resentment oozing through her fingertips. After suffering 10 minutes of useless rubbing with the flat part of her fist, I asked her to go deeper and use her fingers. At that point, she proceeded to vindictively dig her elbow with 10x the pressure into the canal right by my spine and raked it across my ribs. My body jolted. I howled in pain, "You just dug your elbow into my ribs!" I incredulously listened to her angrily explain that she hadn't even touched my ribs, which were buried deep within. Deep within where?! My skin?! Then she stormed out saying she would get the front desk to send up another massage therapist. Shocking? Incredible? Wait, it gets better.
Fast-forward 10 minutes - enter massage therapist #2, an older Brazilian woman. Immediately she begins to antagonize and attack me, asking what happened because the other woman has never had any complaints 'til now. Ironically, she lectures me on how they aren't doctors and can't apply a lot of pressure because they can't risk breaking bones or hitting nerves or organs, despite my cracked rib, can't focus on just one area b/c it's not good for you, and that I can't expect to have all my ailments healed in one session. Who the hell asked you to heal me, lady? Don't I have the right to pay for some temporary relief? And why the hell are you offering deep massages? She also yelled at me for trying new massage therapists when I should stick to just one I've liked and called American massage therapists ignorant and disgraceful. Lastly, my poor friend walked out with severe neck pain she didn't have after a similar massage, minus the verbal and physical combat.