Fat Albert's Breakfast Cafe

Like a Seinfeld Episode! \r I was born and raised in SE Portland, right there in the Westmoreland neighborhood. I drive through these days maybe once a month and I've long wanted to have breakfast at this place. My girlfriend and I went recently.\r She drove and was parking the car. I went in and was greeted at the door by a youngish woman who asked How many? I said two as I looked behind her at a small open table. She asked where my second was and I let her know she was parking the car. She said I would have to wait then and put me down on the list. I saw I was the only one on it. I was pretty surprised.\r Less than 2 minutes later, an older woman who worked there tried to seat me, but the younger woman said No, the rest of his party is not here yet. \r Moments later a middle-aged woman came in. The younger woman asked her How many and she said I don't know yet. She got on her phone to try to contact someone, and stepped out. She came back in right away and said she didn't know. But the younger woman working there started seating her anyway. At this pointy I was pretty puzzled so I said I was waiting for that table and was here first. She told me that my party wasn't here yet. I exclaimed that neither was this person's! She seated her anyway. It was surreal. I voiced my objection again and left.\r I have No idea why I was required to have my partner with me but the next customer was not. It was like that restaraunt episode in Seinfeld, the one where they never get a table.\r This place gave the Worst Service I've Experienced in Years. Incredibly rude and spiteful and weird behavior. I'll never return. more

My husband and I always thought this place would be worth checking out, boy were we wrong! We were surprised to see 2 little girls (who looked no older than maybe 10) busing tables and taking orders! I must say I was turned off almost immediately when I saw children working in a diner, I doubt they're getting paid by the hour, but nevertheless it find it irresponsible on behalf of their parents. The mediocre coffee was severely overpriced, at 2.50 for an 8 oz mug, and the potatoes were undercooked, not to mention missing any form of crispy outside that you usually get from roasted/pan-fried potatoes. My husband ordered biscuits and gravy, which was more like 2 soft, uncooked buns and meatless white gravy with sausage links on the side. I watched him eat it and it honestly looked like mush. The eggs were okay (not that hard to screw up eggs, thankfully), the toast had hardly any butter on it, and I was cautious with the cream since I wasn't sure how long it had been sitting at our table before we got to it (the container was room temp). When we paid, we found out they were cash or check only (our mistake for not checking) so my husband went to the atm to get some cash and I stayed behind (you know, like any business owner would want you to do so they know you're not planning a dine-n-dash). ""So, what, he leaves YOU as collateral?"" she asks me in a condescending tone. I honestly thought we were being pretty honest by having one of us stay behind since we were already disappointed with our meal. I didn't know why it was any of her business or why she felt she could speak to me that way. Would she have preferred we both leave? Cause we would've just gone home without paying if both of us left. He comes and pays and she is very cold to us. She counts back our change by dropping it on the table piece by piece and leaves it there for us to pick up. I've been a waitress and cashier for years, and even if the customer drops the change on your table (which we did not since we both work in the service industry and like to treat our fellow servers and cashiers with respect) you ALWAYS hand it back to the person in their hand. It's just good customer service. Perhaps we rubbed her the wrong way with not being prepared with cash, but we did not complain about the terrible food, we didn't raise concern over children working the tables, and we didn't make a scene when we learned we'd have to grab cash at the ATM. We were treated like TRASH by this woman and we did absolutely nothing to deserve it. We left without tipping and will never eat there again. I will never recommend this place to anyone of my friends, to do so would probably be an insult to my friends. more

Food so god, I have to force myself to stay away for fear of over eating and suffering massive weight gain!!!!! I love this place and find the waitstaff, quite nice! Ask for the ""Full Plate"" Pros: Biscuits and Gravy Cons: Elradreindeer, eats there more

To the WiseGuy from 'Joisey'... Years ago I worked in the restaurant biz, and I know what it's like to work in a tiny place that's always jumping. Regardless of how busy a restaurant may be, there is NO EXCUSE for rude behavior and bad service. PERIOD. Those of us who are Native Portlanders have little tolerance for such behavior--and I say, sir, that it is to our credit. Since you're from the NYC/Jersey area, no doubt you are accustomed to such behavior and even regard it as 'normal'. Too bad, I say, that the cultural necessity of civility is lost on you. Do us all a favor and keep your 'Joisey' manners and philosophy to yourself...we're not buying it here. Pros: Not many Cons: Incredibly rude behavior from waitstaff more

Awesome menu, great fresh food, giant delicious biscuits and homemade jam, pretty good coffee, great fruit plate. The staff really hustles to take care of the customers. I can't figure out why other reviews say they're rude - they're just super busy! I'm perfectly happy with the server who doesn't waste time small talking and gets down to business when there are people waiting. I'm a huge fan of the veggie omelet called the ""Salad Eater"" that blends fresh spinach, tomatoes, onion, mushrooms and swiss cheese that comes with a side of 'home browns' and toast or biscuit. My boyfriend usually orders the ""Kim’s Fave"" which features an unctuous blend of avocado and cheddar with crispy bacon. Great with salsa. It's still my favorite breakfast spot, with a few others in a close second place. Pros: Large portions of great food for a good price Cons: The wait for a table more

Firstly, I am not from Portland. I am from New Jersey. My brother and sister in law live in Sellwood, I usually see them once or twice a year. Even though they live closer to Bertie Lou's, I always walk further down to have my breakfast at Fat Albert's. Why ? Two reasons: great food and great atmosphere. Now I understand that I hail from a part of the country (NYC Tri-state) that many folks equate with rudeness. Maybe so, but on my numerous visits to Fat Albert's the surliness of the help was not anything out of the ordinary. I was more impressed by the hustle shown by the entire staff. It is a small place that gets really hectic but the folks there keep busting it out. Methinks that the folks who complain the loudest have never worked behind a grill or waited tables. So the next time you go to Fat Albert's, sit back and enjoy the show. It's free and entertaining as hell. And as of 3/22/10, I still stand by my review. One thing, this isn't a blanket indictment of the locals. I love Portland and look forward to coming out each year. Pros: Great morning fuel. Cons: Oversensitive, crybaby customers. more

Fat Alberts is a joke. The service is possibly the worst I have ever seen in my life. All of the old women that work there need to be highly medicated and just relax. Especially the middle aged blond one that served us. The lady was unreal. Just a snot of a human being and on top of that the food was garbage. I'm a bartender so I have a very high tolerance in terms of service industry people but jesus christ, this was terrible. The city should close this place down, mainly for harvesting the 3 witches that work there. Never going back again and I'll make it a point to tell everyone I know that this place is garbage just like the wait staff. 8^) Have a nice day you mean old sea hags! Pros: Me leaving thru the front door Cons: Wait staff... they're terrible more

We had the most amazing breakfasts here. the eggs were light and fluffy pancakes the same. the home fries were a very pleasant change of pace. The coffee was as good as any I've ever had nice and fresh. We had walked by this restaraunt late night while visiting other places around, and happened to be in the area around breakfast so wanted to give it a try. My wife was a little leary as we had been to Fat City and she thought the were the same ownership. Not even close!! Do not pass this place up if you are there and it is open, the waitress was very congenial and topped the meal off all around. Pros: Food, Staff more

I would say this is the best breakfast place in Sellwood. I love the location and the food is fabulous. I always have a good experience when I come here. They have good customer service and the environment is very cozy. Just be prepared for a little wait when you get there. If you don't mind waiting for a few minutes, It's all worth it in the end. more

My husband and I tried to eat here one Saturday. The place was very busy and crowded. The hostess was extremely rude and had a very bad attitude. We left without eating and vowed to never return. Pros: reputation of great food Cons: service more

Being from the south (Arkansas) my husband and I searched Portland high and low for the best biscuits & gravy to replicate what we were missing from the south. Our favorite type of gravy is the white cream kind, no big sausage chunks. We found Fat Albert's to be the best, most authentic southern style biscuits and gravy. No pretentious paprika sprinklings or essence of sage -- just your basic yummy, fluffy biscuits and filling creamy gravy in hefty portions. And for cheap! FA's is kiddie friendly and family run. You need to be seeking a greasy spoon type atmosphere, not a gentrified yuppie scene. Therefore you do sometimes get a little bit of rudeness from the grandma waitresses, but heck -- it's a greasy spoon! The menu is nice and basic, with all the egg dishes and basic sweet stuff on one page. Yes it's sort of cramped in there and the wait is usually 15-20 minutes, but to me it's worth it. This is the authentic southern style greasy spoon i've been missing in Portland. I like a yuppie spot every now and then, but Fat Albert's is a standby, the one regular spot we keep coming back to. I guess 'cause it feels like home. Pros: cheap eats Cons: crowded wait more

Fat Albert's used to be a great place to get the best of a good, basic breakfast - a neighborhood greasy spoon that almost filled the void created by the upscaling of Bertie Lou's (how could they?!?). Sporting four or five counter seats, six tables, a busy waitress, and a cook whose arms were fewer than seemed possible, FA's was just a comfortable place to go to get full of good food for a few bucks, and maybe pick up on some neighborhood news along the way.\r \r That was then, this is now - there has been a major paradigm shift at Fat Albert's. The staff there seems to imagine they are a trendy Lake Oswego establishment, completely oblivious to the most basic concepts of customer service. A single diner has no chance for a table if counter space is open, no matter how many tables are vacant. Portion control has no meaning here - one day, it might be five healthy strips of lean bacon, the next it'll be three pathetic strings of fat. The older waitress(es) are uniformly rude and completely unaware that they are there to serve the customer, not the other way around. Prices are about the same as any establishment serving similar fare, which makes Fat Albert's very expensive, indeed.\r \r Unless you're going to try and relive a fond memory, give Fat Albert's a wide berth. It ain't what it used to be, and its owner needs a serious wake-up call. Treat yourself instead to The Bomber or the original Pig & Pancake - these folks know breakfast and how to serve it. Pros: They used to have excellent food and a grasp on customer service Cons: Rude waitresses, inconsistent food quality/quantity, poor parking, poor seating more

I took my friend there for her birthday hearing that it was a good place to go and that they have the best home cooked style potatoes. We were fortunate enough not to have to wait for a table as it was pretty cold outside and there is no waiting room in the front unless you feel like getting real cozy with strangers and becoming part of their meal. Hearing they have quick service and can crank out the breakfast and clear seating sooner, we were surprised when we had to inquire if we could place our order after 15 minutes of watching the waitress walk by several times with no acknowledgement. It took 40 minutes for us to even get our food not to mention that we had also placed a to-go order and ended up cancelling it after our regular meal took so long (because they had packed the entire meal up ""To-Go"" rather than just the one order). More frustration set in while we watched everyone that was seated after we were, eating well before us. The apology from the waitress was given only so she did not have to hear our comments of disappointment rather than her actually giving any care or mind to the matter. We did get our ticket discounted a meal but the obvious lack of customer service (unless you were a regular) was all to discouraging for us to ever want to go back. I would have paid double what I had for better customer service so I hope they can work on their style more to accomodate for their guests. Their food options of being able to have an egg white omelette is a plus but you can probably go to IHOP or Denny's and get the same taste, better service and more seating options. Overall disappointment. Pros: Good bread Cons: Service & lack of seating more

When a group of my girlfriends mentioned brunch, I had heard this was a great place to go. But when we arrived we had to stand akwardly close-- just inside the door and the people sitting at the table nearby. The woman at the counter was rude and when she sat us down, we were all feeling very uncomfortable and unwelcomed. I guess that sums up our entire meal: uncomfortable. The food was okay, nothing that I will remember a week from now. I was embarrased to have suggested the place and apologized to my friends. more

I love Fat Alberts! I love Debbie and the crew and I love the diner feel to the place. I love the community table. Think: bed and breakfast style...I have met the most interesting folks there...like the drummer for a famous Nashville artist..it's great if you are social!!! Just like the neighborhood, Westmoreland, it's a small town vibe in the big city! If your very sweet, the cook will grant your wishes to use egg whites in an omelette! The Kim's Fave is my hubbys fave, and mine is the Yuppie. The food is fresh, fast and comforting!\r LOVE this place! Pros: Fresh fruits and veggies and yummy comfort foods. Cons: Get's busy on the weekends..I go during the week more

My wife and I thought we?d give this place another chance after going there on opening day several years back. I didn?t think it was possible, but the service actually got worse along with the same bland menu?.never again. Pros: the coffee wasn't bad Cons: bland menu & horrible service more

I usually avoid this place like the plague due to the long wait, but now I will avoid it due to the WORST service ever! We just happened to arrive at Fat Albert's during a slow period and I thought it would be nice to try it out (it had been years since I'd been there.) The place was less than half full and we got a table right away- and that was it. There were four women on staff, and one cook. We were given water, menus and were never spoken to again. We gave the proper customer sign for ""ok, we are ready to order now,"" by neatly placing our menus at the edge of the table. Nothing. We tried sending signals via ESP (staring at the group of wait-staff with that hungry look in our eyes.) Nothing. We tried making eye contact to give some sort of sign that NOW would be the time to take our order. Still nothing. We did everything short of directing a waitress towards our table with those orange flashlight things they use at the airport. After way too much time had passed without any contact from the ""employees"" of this place, we decided to leave. On our way out, they said nothing- just watched us walk out as if they were relieved. We both took a shower that morning so I know we didn't smell bad or anything, and I don't expect servers to bend over backwards for me, but I do expect some kind of contact. So down the block we went to the Springwater Grill. We were seated promptly, had a fantastic breakfast, and the service is great. more

I used to come here often before I converted to Junior's after moving to Hawthorne. I'd say that Junior's is the better bet but they're two separate places with their own personalities. The food here is okay, a little bland at times but I really like the atmosphere in this place. It's really relaxed, nice wood chairs, but it gets a bit noisy when it's crowded and everyone's talking. The scrambles are passable and they do toast well. Nothing really sticks out for being great here, just solid breakfast fare with a good eating atmosphere. Pros: atmosphere Cons: bland food sometimes more

Fat Albert's is a great family owned/operated breakfast joint. The blueberry pancakes are excelent as are the specials and omlets. If you catch a fresh biscuit, you'll be eating a little bit of heaven.\r As with many small independent places, they thrive on turn over - hence the ""No camping signs"". So eat your meal and make your peace during rush hour. The older waitress acts very gruff, but she's a big softy. All an act. \r We love the rest of the staff and really can't talk up the food enough. We're lucky enough to be able to walk there from home and know what hours are best.\r It's the best. Pros: blueberry pancakes, coffee, biscuits Cons: can be long wait more

My husband and I have attempted breakfast here a few times and each time we received horrible service and mediocre food. We are both chefs, and have worked the front of the house as well, and are sympathetic towards waitstaff, especially when they are busy. But we have NEVER received refills on our beverages, and had to beg for the check on one occasion. The home fries were cold and soggy and barely cooked. I would rather get in the car and drive someplace good, and even pay more, than walk to this neighborhood joint ever again. Cons: Bad service, Bad food more