Holey buggered lettuce, Batman. Nasty, old, brown romain lettuce, STILL FROZEN. I got a piece of ice wedged in my teeth when I took a bite. The lettuce was brown. Really brown. It tasted foul. It tasted frozen. And damn me, I was too hungry to drop it on the floor. I ate it. Big mistake. His was just as bad, it wasn't just mine. By this point, we were very, very nervous.
The ""food"" arrived. His tortellini was hard, rubbery, overcooked... the alfredo sauce tasted like warm milk with unmelted parmesan cheese in it. The lasagna was evil-looking, and he didn't eat half of it. The manicotti was rubbery and foul. All told, he had a few bites from each, just to be fair, but ate far less than half of his entre?. My veal saltimbocca looked like it had a very difficult life, and a very unpleasant death. Just a couple of meagre fork-fulls of flat-pounded veal, a few pieces of prosciutto, and either horribly over-cooked spinach, or it was canned / frozen. I was so hungry that I ate it all within 30 seconds, only pausing to investigate the odd taste in my mouth when I'd finished. I tried the ""garlic mashed potatoes""... UGH. Boxed, flaked, instant mashed potatoes? REALLY??! For eighteen dollars a plate, at least give me a couple of real boiled red potatoes, something... but instant mashed? What the Hell? I took two very small bites and passed the rest, despite my hunger. It was also completely unseasoned, and had that Pam-spray flavor that the garlic bread had. Foul. When the manager came by to ask us, we were honest.. neither of us have had to give that kind of news to a restaurant, and neither of us have written a bad review before. This was the worst restaurant we'd been to in the area, bar none. He mentioned his foul pasta trio, and I mentioned the potatoes... Know what he had the balls to tell me? ""Other people like them."" Really, jackass?! No, no one else likes your mashed potatoes, because they taste like FLUFFY VOMIT. No one likes that. Try to tell me they weren't instant? Really, jackass?! Then that means your chef is so craptastic that he can make real potatoes taste exactly like fluffly, vomit-flavored instant box potato powder. That takes skill, man.
The waitress came back and said that my bro's meal would be credited, but not mine (fine, I ate it, shame on me). The bill comes, and they took off exactly half of his entre?. So instead of paying almost $40 for food worth less than $5, we split a bill of almost $30. We felt robbed. Man, do you think we came in there trying to angle free food? Really? It couldn't possibly be that the garbage you served us wasn't fit for a prison cafeteria? So we're served horrible food at high prices, then we're lied to by the manager, then told we'd get a partial refund, then got a partial of a partial, and to top it all off, we both got sick afterward. My stomach turned all night, and I had diarreah in the morning. I'm sure he didn't fare much better. One star.
Pros: Not a single thing.
Cons: Food, sanitation, attitude
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