Why do I bother? After previous Valentines night dinner debacles at Shanghai 1930 and other alleged ?romantic? SF eateries, we ate last night (Feb 14, 2008) at CORTEZ. Now, wasn?t Cortez (Hernan Cortes) the murdering invader who brought disease and oppression to 16th Century Mexico? And didn?t his most famous victim, Aztec King Monteczuma spawn the euphemism ?Monteczuma?s Revenge? for an unpleasant stomach disorder? I digress. The ?special? dinner last night was a $350 melange of unprofessional service and poorly-executed food. It started badly, with us being kept waiting 20 minutes before we were shown to our reserved table, and went downhill from there. The Chef?s canapes were untidy and unpleasant, Jersualem Artichoke & Lavender Soup was reminiscent of an elderly Victorian?s handkerchief, the Scallop and Uni caused Monteczuma to stir, the Beet salad tasted like a shovel-full of earth, the Kurobuta Pork Belly with pickled red onion marmalade clashed with everything we?d already tasted, and so on. The wine ?pairing? was a joke, seeing as not one of the 5 wines arrived with its advertised companion. When we were served our Muscat (supposed to be with the scallop) along with our Beet, we complained and got marginally better attention, but that just meant glasses were piling up around us. I know I'm comparing this tasting menu and wine pairing with the much-missed Elisabeth Daniel and the still-here-still-great Farallon and Coi, but the chef and staff at Cortez have to be prepared for such scrutiny. We left before dessert, but after paying about 3 times what the meal was worth. My wife has told me to send her this review so that next year, just before Valentines night, she can play it back to me and convince me that we?d be better off dining at home that night rather than put up with sub-standard food, shabby service and a slapped-together, overpriced experience at one of San Francisco?s most overrated restaurants.
Pros: Parking
Cons: Everything else
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