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Review content:
I'm not going to sit here and say my friend, David, coined the term "Food Porn" for Whole Foods, but this is essentially what shopping here is like; it's like porn for food, the most ridiculous grocery store any shopper can experience. If you don't believe me, walk in there and take a bite of a Fuji.
If you're actually looking here to find out what Whole Foods is all about, you probably a) live in a closet, b) live in a rural town in Western Montana or c) were just born. In the case of "c" congratulations. We look forward to your stay here. The Whole Foods experience cannot be written, it cannot be spoken, only experienced.
Of course, there is always another side to the story. Whole Foods is not just food porn, but it's kind of like Ivy League food porn. I'm talking about high class here. It's not like you just walk in and start waving $20 bills at the herbs (although you're guaranteed to spend no less while you're there).
Oh no, this place will educate you. The reason, you ask? It's all about branding. You don't walk down the condiment aisle looking for the Kraft mayo. No way, there's Whole Foods mayo. You'll find yourself asking, "Well, does this taste like regular mayo?", "What is mayonnaise?", "Is it usually made with canola oil?", "Is $2.79 too much for a jar of mayo?", "Should I get the squeeze bottle?". Ultimately, you'll end up buying it, taking it home, opening it only to find that it tastes more like Miracle Whip. Back to Safeway...
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