The City of Lakewood clearly has some kind of corrupt deal with these goons. Is this really where the loving City of Lakewood wants to send their tax-paying citizens to pick up their vehicles after a towing?
I understand that it was my fault for getting towed. So I accepted this and after 15 minutes of screaming into a pillow, arranged for a ride to the Lakewood Police dept. where I was informed that after paying THESE fat pig bastards, I would then have to ask my friend to drive me miles away through a war-torn, third-world section of Cleveland to Kufner Towing for a whole new set of fat pig bastards to pay.
Usually when I am entering a place as post-apocalyptic and populated by mouth breathing inbreds as Kufner Towing I address anyone I meet with a genial tone and a watchful eye. I always expect to be dragged off into the back room to be killed in some horrible way with power tools while a leather bound gimp from Pulp Fiction giggles excitedly in the corner. So I watch my exits and try to develop an eye tic that makes me look ""crazy"".
I can imagine that as bottom feeding scumbags that tow people's cars, Kufner Towing has to deal with irate ""customers"" taking it out on them every day. So I thought that my level headed approach might garner some mutual respect. I was wrong. They hated me with their every word. I thought they might enjoy taking all of my money for a service I didn't request and treat me with good ol' fashioned indifference. But instead they treated me like I raped their moms (and I'm sort of regretting that I didn't now).
Now let's take a look at their reviews. I'm seeing a pattern here. People that gave them 1 star mention incredible rudeness, negligent handling of the vehicle, terrifying mongrel dogs (yeah, I'm pretty sure that animal has tasted human flesh before), and fear of Deliverance style violations. On the other hand though, the people that gave them 5 stars (other than the very amusing ALL CAPS troll) all attribute these very nice men with heroic acts of service, having nice doggies that ""let my 5 year old pet it"", and (this is my favorite) ""cool looking trucks"". Now amidst the spelling errors in these planted reviews is the strange coincidence that each reviewer is eager for us to know that, ""Gee, us customer types are just idiots that park illegally all the time with suspended licenses and screws in their tires which we are too cheap to have taken out.""
Well, I have a question for Kufner Towing: Is this your opinion of the customers who are paying out their asses to keep food on your table? Maybe next time you could be more neutral with your fake reviews, it would be a little more believable.
Oh, and of course, when I say ""the food on your table"", I'm referring to the Burger King that your family eats in the car on the way to the Monster Truck rally.
The real reviewer wilgory said it best: ""It reminds me that college education is good""
(No offense to non-asshole blue collar workers)